an object at rest … needs energy to move …

(disclaimer – this post sounds very depressing at first, but read to the end … it is not hopeless – it is looking for energy)

There is darkness pressing in and to fight it takes more than I can muster at this time. My feelings are floating: despair, sadness, grief … a patchwork quilt bound together with bits of anger.

There is no where to go – phone calls, emails, texts …

I need to get moving.

I cannot allow the currents of emotion to move me for they will just take the floating dory out to sea and I will never be seen again.

As the quilt passes before my consciousness, I grasp the tiny threads of anger. I cannot live by anger, but anger can motivate me. Anger can provide the impetus to break a pattern.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a stagnant morass of gunk. We feel swamped and low.

A spark is needed … and isn’t great when that call comes in that starts that fire.

Movement is a wondrous thing.

Where is the excitement?

I know this seems strange based on the previous post regarding dreams, but have you ever noticed that there are times when you loose yourself in the details of every day … you loose enthusiasm for your dreams?  The everyday bogs you into laundry, dishes, and cooking and soon you wonder what makes me happy?  When you pick up one too many hairballs — the cat no longer brings you pleasure.  When the cat that jumps from the floor to your shoulder rips your skin to pieces it no longer makes you happy to hug your cat?  All you can think to do is screech!

How do you regain joy in your dreams?

How do you lay aside the mundane to hear your soul sing?

What drags us down is toxic thoughts, toxins in our body, and sugar.

Toxic thoughts are the hardest to combat for they are the longest running loop in our minds:  I need that coffee for I am tired, I need that pastry for I did well (or I am feeling lousy and it will make me happy, or I just broke up with my significant other and I am lonely).  I am ugly and unworthy of happiness.  I am fat and unworthy of good friends.  I am stupid, lazy (fill in the blank)  and don’t deserve a better job or living situation.  These insidious thoughts enter daily into our brains and half the time we do not know they are there.

Toxins in our food and environment are getting more and more press.  Studies about how our homes and businesses are making us sick.  Everyday we learn more about the damages to our environment because of pesticides and herbicides.  It is scary.  Some of this can be changed when we eat a more organic and all natural life style … but to be honest just because it is grown on an organic farm.  The water is not as clean as it used to be and the land itself is not as full of nutrients as it once was … how do we clean our bodies of toxins and feed it the nutrients we need?  When the body receives all that it asks for in the form of nutrients … you will feel content … unless of course you are under stress and negative loops are playing in your brain.  But then you need to stand firm and say … you have what you need.

Sugar is my downfall.  When I am tired I use it for energy.  When I am happy I use it as a reward.  Yet it is what damages the body in so many ways.  I need to learn to step away from it and reward myself in other ways.

In past posts I mentioned Isagenix and when I follow the program I do feel better and have more energy.  The holidays really wrecked havoc with my regime and I am finding it hard to get back on track.  My body had done so well with a relatively low sugar diet.  But with the holidays came cookies and all sorts of fudge and chocolate.  Now my body is so used to that … when I start cutting back … it demands it again.  For months I had coffee once a week with friends … now I make coffee or I stop at the coffee drive thru much more frequently.  If you want to loose weight — cut out the coffee and get enough sleep.  When you are sleep deprived … you eat more!

Oh well … finding the passion.  Reflect on what makes you happy and press on through the small stuff.  With your eyes on the prize … ultimately you will win!

You can do it!